:: Hey....He Puts Weasels Down His Trousers! ::

:: 6.30.2003 ::

Damn, I don't post here as much as I used to.

Well, let's say I've slacked off a bit. I now have some semblance of "a life" and I'm lovin' every second of it.

Start my gig Wednesday. I was the first juror summarily dismissed (challenged? Whatever they call it) this morning. I was told there was only one case on the docket for this week and that I would be exempted for next week. So, I should be free'n'clear (brain parasites) to work.

I need this job. I need the ego boost that being employed can give. I need the confidence that being "employable" gives, especially since I have been out of work since October 2001. That's a long fucking time.

Doesn't look like it's going to be too tough, really. Conference call today. Spent TWO HOURS on the phone listening to someone go over the 110 (actually 57) page manual (the other 53 pages are appendices) and listening to questions from other contractors. Contractees? People doing the same damn thing I'm doing, just in other parts of the nation.

So Wednesday I get to head to Sullivan.
Thursday I get to head to Sullivan.

Three-day weekend, then working again.

That feels good to say, it does.

'chelle and I are doing good. Can't say we've worked through the minor issues that I mentioned before, but they're minor. Couple other minor issues came back into the forefront this weekend. Still, with all the minor issues we may have, they don't add up to a major issue.

Hear the Rev's having a par-tay this weekend, going to head over there I think. You know how good it feels to be able to tell people "I've got to check with the female half of my whole?" Damn good.

Love you 'bunny! =) (she hates that)

Family things are going decently well, I suppose. My parentals are more than ready for my ass to be out of their house, and I'm more than ready to move out. Just that pesky "No Full Time Gig" thing coming back to haunt me. Blarg.

Reading Dune again.
Read it back when I was like 10 years old or something. Didn't like it. I'd read _Lord of the Rings_ by then, loved that. Also _Foundation_. But Dune is a different critter, and it's better served when reading from a more matured viewpoint. I'm liking it now. Reading _Children of Dune_ at the moment, next is _God Emperor of Dune_. Not sure I like Herbert's writing stylizations, but I dig the story he's telling. Really good.

Hope to post tomorrow too; lets see if I can't string together a few days here, eh?

/me

:: Cameron 6/30/2003 03:44:49 PM [+] ::
...

Blogger migrated all their blogs to a new system. Unsure if I dig it or not, but we'll see what transpires.

Trying to think if anything blog-worthy has happened in the last couple of days, since my last blog. Hell, a week ago!

Not really, I guess. Michelle and I have ran into some minor issues-- and I do mean minor, but troublesome. When you bypass a lot of the standard "dating" there's a lot of things that need to be "fixed on the fly" so to speak. We're hitting a few of those.

Nothing major. Just...kind of unsettling. I'm unsettled enough having a girlfriend. It's even more unsettling to be in love with someone who is...a lot different from anyone you've ever met, and a lot different from yourself.

There's things that have to be worked on -- on both sides -- here. But nothing good ever came without a lot of work, and this is a Very Good thing.

/me


:: Cameron 6/26/2003 11:14:43 AM [+] ::
...

I'm going to say it.
I /know/ that you should never say it. I /know/ that something always happens to someone that says it.

I'm still going to say it.

Life Is Good.

So far, the /only/ good thing about being unemployed is Michelle. Spending what amounts to a five-day weekend with her (with her taking time to go to work, of course) is a wonderful wonderful thing.

But I've talked about her before. And will again. Maybe in about 5-10 minutes. Stick around.

Friday, went to see The Hulk (*rawr*) with Michelle and some friends of mine. This was after a little pre-birthday celebration for my friend Betsy, who's turning 20 ... well, has already turned 20. Sunday was her birthday. Happy Birthday, Betsy! The Hulk was a pretty good flick. More than I expected. Out of all the Marvel properties that the comic-book company whored out recently, Hulk is probably the second-hardest to make a good film out of. (Ghost Rider being the hardest) due to the lack of intelligence of the title character. Of course, who'm I kidding? /I/ wanted to see Big Green and Ugly smash shit. Which he did. Eventually. Only took an hour to set up the Hulk's first appearance. Which pissed me off. Bigger'n'life.

RAWR!

Saturday, Shannon and Ash came over, went swimming after reading 'til dark (yeah, the four of us sat and read Harry Potter 'til light went down) and a Good Time was had by All.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
Good book. Better the second time through, as it explains some odd behavior on the part of a few of the principals. Not really a "twist" ending at all. The few things that bothered me are minor. For instance. It seems as if JK Rowling has started writing the books around the characters in the movie. Dumbledore doesn't seem (to me) to be the Dumbledore of Sorceror's Stone, Chamber of Secrets, Prisoner of Azkaban or Goblet of Fire. Instead, he seems to be the late Richard Harris. Ditto Snape. Ditto Hagrid. Ditto Ron, Harry, Hermione. Blah.

That pick aside, it's a good read that I'm going to avoid spoiling for those that haven't had a chance to finish.

Love you, Michelle.
*twitch*

:: Cameron 6/23/2003 04:55:17 PM [+] ::
...

Yes indeed, the easiest job I've ever gotten, regardless of the length.

I am now a GM Technician for seven days.

Amen, Hallelujah, w00t and assorted other expressions of intense amusement/joy.

:: Cameron 6/19/2003 04:05:57 PM [+] ::
...

I think I have a small little contract gig.

I say I think, because if I do indeed have the job, it's the easiest job I've ever gotten. 7 days, scattered through July. 80 bucks a day for ~3-4 hours work. Swapping an old server out for a new one, running a startup script, and swapping a switch out as well. I think. The guy talked really quick. He said he'd send me a contract &c. to read.

Still, that's about 500 bucks. That makes for a little leeway in the finances department.

He was talking like I had it, sight unseen. I hope that's the case.


:: Cameron 6/19/2003 12:20:54 PM [+] ::
...

Either infected hairs or heat sores. (Michelle's idea, the heat sore thing. I sweat like a stuck pig, so that's probably more likely) They hurt. Bad. And I know y'all don't want to read this, but I'm putting it on here anyway.

They both popped last night. Right before I went to bed. Fscking excruciating. I think it was all the movement I did yesterday. Arms ok, but the placement of the one on my leg does not exactly promote healing.

Anyway.


I miss Michelle.


Anyway.

Friday Michelle, myself, Lucas, Steph, Betsy, Deven and Hub (hopefully, if the sunuvabitch ever gets back to me) are meeting at Gunner Buc's. Probably going to see the Hulk as well. Sounds like a good time, to me. First time 'chelle's spent time with my friends, so I'm looking forward to it. I've met a lot of her amigo/amigas, and we're going to hang out a bit with mine.

And still I feel bad for interrupting 'chelle's friend time on weekends. She doesn't complain though. So it must not be all that bad. =)

Anyway.

Watching _Rat Race_ at the moment. Funny movie. Very underrated movie. I think the first time 'chelle and I have some spare time I'll interject it into my list of 10 favorites so we can watch it. I think she'll dig it. =)

:: Cameron 6/18/2003 05:22:12 PM [+] ::
...

Bad days abound, it seems. Blah. Lack of sleep's hitting me hard, it's hard to stay awake/aware when there's nobody here or nothing to do.

Arm and fscking leg hurt like a sunuvabitch. Infected hairs on 'em. Sweet Zombie Jesus. Pain whenever I move 'em.

Currently re-reading Sun-Tzu's _The Art of War_ because the tactics he wrote about 2000+ years ago still hold true. I've read some decent books since, though.

_Relic_ which was interesting. I think the sequel, should I ever /get/ it from a friend of mine *poke Shannon* (of course, I haven't /asked/ for it yet either) will make or break this one. Nice little twist ending to it. Spooky feel, but had a couple deus ex machina moments that were hard to wrap the mind around. Extra kudos for the ultra-creepy FBI agent, though.

_American Gods_ by Neil Gaiman. A-fscking-mazing. This is a book that ought to be required reading somewhere. The religious overtones (but not overbearing overtones, if you dig) are can't miss. The Odin/Balder/Loki/Anansi/Czerbolg characters are fscking great. Gaiman indeed outdid himself for this one. Or if this is where his talent is at right now, I weep for some future works. It's /that/ good.

_Stardust_ by Neil Gaiman. Nice little fairy tale. Sort of standard fairy tale fare, but with a few creepy spots. I don't know if it's Gaiman at his best (see AG, above) but it's damn good. Took all of two hours to read, though. Very short. But it's one hell of a ride.

:: Cameron 6/17/2003 08:21:59 PM [+] ::
...

All good things have to come to an end.

In this case, the wonderful blissful schedule that 'chelle and I have been keeping. It's been rather a good time. She comes over Thursday after work. Stays most of Friday, then I head to her digs with her. She works Saturday, then we head back to the Compound. Back to her digs on Sunday, then I come home Monday.

For those keeping track at home, that's five days out of the week that we're together in one way or the other.

Sooner or later, though I am going to be employed. She's going to work more hours. This five-day-a-week stuff is going to have to stop. I'll mourn it, but I think I'll adjust.

-----------------------------------

This past weekend was an interesting one. 'chelle and two friends (Elerah and Eloric, we'll call them) came over Thursday night. If 'chelle got here at 6.30, I was going to kneel and kiss her hand. Sorry, baby-- 6.34 doesn't cut it.

They /would/ have been here probably early, but 'chelle's Tracker decided it was going to protest all the Oakland/TH driving and blow a heater hose. Seven miles away from the Compound. It took me until about noon Friday to remember a buddy of mine who deals in car repair, and got it fixed for ~70 bucks. That includes towing, so wasn't that bad.

I hope E&E had a good time here. It's hard for me to tell with new people. Haven't learned their moods and indicators yet. They seemed to enjoy the pool 'n' 'tub, and I saw them at one point take off around the pond. The compound has a little something for everyone. Made sure they knew they were welcome here again.

And I'm sorry I didn't say "So Long," but I did wave when we passed each other on 133.

--------------------------

I need employed. I hope that I can get something, anything soon. I needs a bit of money to see my baby more often. So I can afford to go to TH and surprise her. Now that I've got "The Keys" I can do suchlike. Go make her a dinner and surprise her when she gets home. Just head over to say "hey" and hang out for a bit.

Blah.

I need employed.


:: Cameron 6/16/2003 09:53:49 PM [+] ::
...

Made it through a rough weekend with the help of Michelle, Shannon and Ash.

Saturday was my "wedding day." Last relationship I had, June 14 was the day that we set for our wedding. Didn't happen, and for that I"m really really glad. I'm glad I'm with Michelle. I'm glad that things didn't work out in the past, because I'm an order of magnitude more comfortable with where I'm at now then where I was.

Shannon and Ashley might have thought I was an asshole last night, and for that I'm a bit sorry. Just a bit, though. I really wasn't in the mood for being company, but 'chelle and Shannon don't get the chance just to hang all that often. I made the attempt. We watched Thirteen Ghosts (Michelle had never seen it) hung out just a bit. Annoying that we met at Steak 'n' Shake for all of 45 minutes then left. I don't mind payin' 1.25 for a cup of coffee, but when it's only one freaking cup of coffee, it gets expensive. I would have much much rather stayed there than what we did, (which was go watch the movie). Ah, well. Don't always get what you want.

I've never had a short attention span, so I'm unsure how to treat/deal with those who do.


:: Cameron 6/15/2003 12:45:52 PM [+] ::
...

nothing to see here.

move along.

:: Cameron 6/12/2003 04:38:19 PM [+] ::
...

Well, I had two or three good days of sleep in there. Back to the normal last night.

It's really frustrating. I love sleep. Love it. It's the daily renewal ritual. And it burns that I can't get more than two or three hours a night. And no, I won't try sleeping pills. The only thing I ever take for it is when I'm sick. NyQuil. The "big fsckin' Q" as Denis Leary says. Couple-three shots of that and I'm out like a light for a full six hours of sleep.

Been trying to isolate the cause recently. I'd love to be able to sleep longer, especially when I'm with Michelle. She thinks (I think) that she needs to stay up to keep me company, and it's starting to hurt her now. Which is, of course, a Bad Thing. I could be wrong about that, but I have noticed her sleep going down since we've been together.

----------------------------

Tri-Star apparently requested my credential file yesterday. Good sign. Of course, the fact that they did that was a boo-boo on my part. Seems the company isn't supposed to be able to request your credential file. I am supposed to request that it be sent. Heh. So that part's off of my resume now. Just leave a little "Credential file available upon request" line on the resume.

I had to refresh my memory today about what exactly I applied for with them. Sounds bad, but I've sent out a metric shitload of resumes over the past few weeks. "Manager of Computer Operations" sounds like a title I can live with, and the duties sound right up my alley. Here's crossin' my fingers.

---------------------

Michelle and two of her friends are coming over tonight. Apparently be here ~6.30. Really hyped for it. What did I do to deserve her? Whatever I did, I want to keep doing it so she never tires of me. =)

:: Cameron 6/12/2003 09:39:10 AM [+] ::
...

There's something to be said for honesty.

Mike (the guy from TEKSystems) and I had a good sit-down. He was forthright in saying that I probably won't get what I want salary-wise right off. In fact, I'll probably (assuming no full-time gigs are forthcoming) be doing short-term contract work in the meantime. Hell, that doesn't bother me in the fscking slightest! I need employment, I need income.

I told him that for full-time employment I'm looking more toward Terre Haute/Indianapolis. He said no problems, and he's going to send my information to a Mr. David Perez out of TS's Indy office. He did say that Perez is "The recruiter to end all recruiters. Probably the best one TS has," so that's going for me. I really would like to land full-time in Indy. Would give me more time with 'chelle, for one thing. For another, it's a small-town-big-city. Has a pro football team. Doesn't have hockey, but that's alright. I could still make one or two Blackhawks games a year. Chicago, Columbus, meh. Doesn't matter /where/ I see 'em. This is the first year in a while I haven't seen my 'hawks, and it grates.

--------------------

I'm in that stage of a relationship where I'd really like to see my girl every day. If I had gas money, I'd surprise her and show up there tonight, ready to journey back with them to Oakland tomorrow. Life sucks when you're unemployed, it does. Quite handy suckage. Blarg.

--------------------

ANYway, the TEKSystems meeting and the email I got from Tri-Star are positives in the job hunt. Which has been very positive-less to date. So I'm pretty hyped.

--------------------

Also, my baby's coming over tomorrow with a couple friends.

Meeting her friends is .... odd. The people themselves are odd, but that's nothing new. My friends could be pictures in the dictionary next to "oddities" and "strangeness." It's like-- and this is nothing spectacularly new-- I'm jumping into prefab relationships, and I don't have a clue as to what the jokes are or what the relationships are. Interesting, but in an odd way. Haven't met anyone that's hit it off wrong with me yet, I don't think. I have misgivings about the way a couple of them view me, but only time will tell on that. It's not like I can ask them. It'll get sorted.

Of course, 'chelle will be running into much the same problems when she runs the gamut of mi amigos/as. There should be no problems with Deven, Lucas&Steph, Darren&Aaren, Toby, Nathan, Joyce....hell, that's most of my group right there. The others are just "friends" that I run into every now and then, nobody that I really hang out with. Meh. I'm an antisocial bastard at the best of times, it would seem. Should be no worries there at all. The people that have stuck with me this long have put up with so much shit that they're glad that someone is taking the edge off of me, so to speak.

'sides, 'chelle's a lovable type.

/me



:: Cameron 6/11/2003 07:52:50 PM [+] ::
...

Meet with TEKsystems today in Champaign.
Pretty hyped, nervous. (I get nervous about all sorts of things)

Taking a folder to take notes in, that's about it. Oh, and a pen.

Meeting at the Starbucks in Barnes and Noble at ~2.30. I'll probably get there around 2 or so. Grab an A+ book and study a bit before Mike gets there.
That's the plan, anyway.

Right now I'm sitting here in my dress shirt, shorts, and dress socks. It'd make a pretty picture. =)

Found out one important thing today. Seriously important. I've forgotten how to tie a tie. Heh.

Need to practice that.

Got an email from another place yesterday. They got my resume a couple weeks ago, and are just now starting to go through them. They sent me an email wondering if I was still looking for employment. My response was basically a genteel version of "Hell yeah! Oh, and I've got another cert or two since I sent you my resume, please take that into consideration." That gig would be in Urbana. Very do-able. Would add another 40 minutes or so onto the trip 'chelle and I would have to make to see each other, but I'd still make it. (don't tell anyone, but so would she).

Anyway, gotta go attempt another tie-tieing.

/me
:: Cameron 6/11/2003 11:16:51 AM [+] ::
...

WHAT A WEEKEND!

Only thing that could make this weekend any ANY better would be if I would have been offered a job in Terre Haute or Indianapolis making 30K+/year. That didn't happen, but damn was this weekend a good fun time.

Good times started on Thursday, which is outlined a few posts below. I've waxed philosophical about that, so if you wish, just scroll down a bit and read it. Don't want to repeat myself too much.

Saturday: Went shopping with The Mom and Liz. Since I'm currently in job hunt mode, the parentals decided to throw my (forthcoming) birthday presents on the table and buy me a suit. A fsckin' sharp suit. Looks good, if I do say so myself. Some of you will get a chance to see me in it, actually. Which is interesting. I haven't worn an honest-to-$DEITY suit since....2001? Was out in San Diego and Maxim Group got me an interview with Anheuser-Busch. (Same people are looking for work for me again, under the name of TEKSystems. So I'm pretty hyped). Before that, I think the last time I dressed up was for my buddy Darren's wedding to Aaren. That was something like 6 years ago. 5? Something like that.

After shopping I came home and did a little yardwork, prepping the firepit, splitting some wood (wonderful activity. Clears the mind and soul for a while) and running around like a chicken sans head. Nathan got in touch with me, invited him over for the gathering. Called Rev, he cancelled. Rev called, he said he'd be here. Gave him directions, then just sat and waited. After, of course, building a fire down in the firepit. Damn thing was blazing. Ah, well. If you're going to do something you do it right, right?

The Girls got here. Shannon, Shannon's sister Ashley, and -- of course-- Michelle. We roasted some 'dogs on the fire, sat around talking. Ash, who is 16 and very bubbly and all-around cool chick, decided she was goin' swimming. She went down there and the rest of us kept talking. Shannon and Michelle weren't too much in a hurry to get their suits on. Finally, with much bartering of glowy-bracelets going back and forth, The Girls went in to change. Rev took his leave at this point, as he hadn't had much sleep the night before and he's not much of a pool guy anyway. Girls changed, Nate 'n' I put trunks on, and to the pool, Horatio!

Which was fun.

Ashley, with the enthusiasm and optimism of youth, decided to give dunking your humble narrator a try. I think the story of Lucas and my duel in 2002 had something to do with it. Much splashing and throwing of femmes later, an impasse had been reached. Nathan was playing the part of Switzerland in this battle. Hovering in the safe zone and probably enjoying the hell out of the sight. Occasionally a comment would be heard that would cause laughter. Was fun.

Eventually, the mirth subsided and we hit the hot tub. Conversation and companionship were the words of the evening. Nathan bailed not long after we hit the 'tub, Shannon and Ashley a little while later. Michelle and I stayed in there talking until the wee hours. Then came the cleaning up, which was a while longer, and the sitting-on-the-patio-furniture-watching-birds-fly-sunrise-and-talking thing that we seem to get into when she and I are together. Which was very nice. Hit the sack at approximately 5.30 a.m.

Up at 11. Had to take 'chelle home. Got ready, did a quick email check. Bugger. 'chelle's keys were inadvertently left in Shannon's Tracker. Off to Mattoon!

Drive to Mattoon was nicer than usual. I think the company had a little something to do with it. I really don't notice time when I'm with Michelle. Not hardly at all. Got the keys from Shannon, then off to Martinsville!

Quick stop at Casey to get some go-go-juice for The Mazda (zoomzoom).

Martinsville. Met 'chelle's mom. I had heard all sorts of bad or negative things about her mom, but I didn't see much of that in evidence at all. Saw 'chelle's dad's paintings-- guy had some talent-- and just sat and listened to the two of them talk. Which was...wait for it....nice. Went by A House to see if 'chelle's niece was there, nobody home. Guess I'll meet The Daemon at a later date.

Went to the cemetary to see her dad's site. Solemn. Cleaned some cut grass from the stone, stood and communed for a bit. Listened to 'chelle talk about her dad. Was touching. I think her dad approves. I told him my intentions and promised him some things.

Off to Terre Haute we went. Stopped by 'chelle's apartment for a little while, she called the Elusive Tonya and left a message. We hung out for a while, did some talking. Quite a bit of talking. 'chelle got through the last block she had, told me that she loved me. Y'know, for all the teasing I did about her saying that, when she did it hit me. Hard. I've been giddy as hell ever since. Seriously giddy, if that's not too much of an oxymoron.

Had dinner at Pizza Hut, talking all the while. Making plans (kinda), talking about what we need to do, what we most definitely do not want to do. $DEITY knows, something that we're both going to have to be conscious about while we tentatively sail out upon the S.S. Relationship is alienate a mutual best friend in Shannon. So Shannon, know that you're welcome anytime Michelle's over here, I'm over there, wherever we're going. Don't think that you're going to be left out of the "hang-out" picture here, darlin'. We both loves ya.

After dinner, we decided to stop by Tonya's, so that I could meet some of her friends. Which I did, as there was a surprise birthday party being held for a Heather. This surprised a lot of people, including most of the guests. Come to find out that it's pretty much par for the course at Tonya's. Made a new best friend with Tonya's 3(?)-year-old daughter Hart. Was a nifty night. The kids there held a "concert" for us, there were jokes flying left and right. Met a Sarah, Dolly, Pagan (again), Tonya and children, Dave, the aforementioned birthday girl Heather, and a few people whose names I can't remember. (Not an insult, though-- it usually takes me a couple times to learn names. Especially when the person is introduced nonchalantly).

After a while, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. Dolly and Sarah were talking, so I hung out. Trying not to intrude, as I didn't know them. 'chelle came out to keep me company. Then Dave and Heather came out. Sat on the porch and talked, told jokes-- was a great time. Until it came time to leave. We'd been there since...I'm totally guessing here....7? 7.30? and about 11.30/midnight we were ready to call it a day. Dave attached himself (literally) to 'chelle and told her she wasn't going anywhere. It took about another half an hour to detach him. It was funny, but I was a tired li'l boy, and 'chelle had to work this morn.

Got back to the apt. 'chelle showered, then we hit the sack. When the alarm went off this morning, neither of us really wanted to deal with it. The alarm technically woke her up in time to go to work. We got to talkin', though. All I can say is that I'm glad 'chelle's boss is an understanding sort. Neither of us wanted to split today, after being together every day since Thursday.

A joyous five days.

Drive back home went quicker than it probably should have. Couldn't keep thoughts of her out of my mind. Yeah, I'm smitten. I've been smote from On High with this one.

Was a great weekend.

Love ya, 'chelle.

:: Cameron 6/9/2003 02:22:23 PM [+] ::
...

My baby loves me.

She said so.

Five times. =)

Just thought I'd share this from remote location in Terre Haute. =)

And yes, Shannon. I'm giddy. "Cheezy" might still be a bit too much to say, but definitely giddy.

Happy.

Truth be told, I think it's cool as hell.

:: Cameron 6/9/2003 12:41:27 AM [+] ::
...

Bliss.

Last couple days have been just, well, nice. Went over to 'chelle's Thursday. She didn't get off of work until ~6.10 or so, I got there around 2-3 o'clock. Just hung out, got to meet her "Self-Proclaimed Older Brother" who seemed surprised as hell that 'chelle had said she'd cook dinner for me. Jazz sax player, cool as all get out.

Went to her apartment and just hung out. Dinner break at Bob Evans (no, we decided that she didn't have to cook for me) Was really...nice. I hate the word 'nice' but there's not really another way to describe it. Comfortable. 'chelle had nothing really good to say about her apartment before I got there, but the thing is is that it suits her. The decor is just her and it was really good to be able to get a glimpse. Like Admiral Thrawn said, "you can learn a species through its art." Michelle's art choices say a lot as well. Just don't know exactly /what/. I'm not Thrawn. ;-)

Met a friend of hers, Pagan, at 2 a.m. Phone ringing scared hell out of me, but Pagan and "The" Sarah Woody stopped by and talked for around an hour or so. I was, of course, the odd man out here as the only person I knew was 'chelle, but Pagan seemed pretty cool. Interesting. Odd in an interesting way. But pretty chilly. And very down with the Church of the Sub-Genius. Praise Bob.

Slept in this morning. (I guess technically it would be yesterday morning. But neener. 'tis my blog, dammit) Had to get the oil changed in The Mazda (zoomzoom) because I was 7K since my last. Another Bob Evans meal, picked the car up and went to the mall in Terre Haute. Silly me, I had revealed to her my weakness for a common scent when worn on women. Next thing I know, there's vanilla incense being bought, vanilla parfum, and she's looking very closely at body wash 'n' stuff. Silly me, I say. But it's kinda cool when someone listens to throwaway comments like that.

Kinda stole Shannon's Thudner on the vanilla thing. Oops. She was going to rat me out and have 'chelle surprise me. Either way, I'm not very picky.

Went back to the aparment, napped. Got home at 9.30 tonight. Which isn't really bad. The UBL games were late, but got done. I had a blissful time the past couple of days. And she's coming over this weekend! Tomorrow, even! (Tonight, but it's my blog, neener.)

All in all, I think this very well could possibly maybe be the start of something really really good.

I say it's about time, as I need someone like this around.



:: Cameron 6/7/2003 12:33:12 AM [+] ::
...

Trying to fix my bedamned archive links.

Blarg. Need monthly, not weekly. Dammit.

:: Cameron 6/5/2003 08:42:26 AM [+] ::
...

Pondering.

I /am/ going to Terre Haute Sunday.

The opportunity exists to go there tomorrow, stay 'til Friday sometime. Which is a great and wonderful opportunity to have. Put off the baseball thing until Friday, go and have a great time with 'chelle. That would rock.

Pros: Be with Michelle. On her turf, instead of mine. Get a glimpse into that wonderful head of hers.
Cons: Gas usage. Money. Which are shitty reasons.

But, A) I need to get the oil in my car changed. Checked today, only 7,000 miles since my last change.
B) I need to buy a new pair of dress pants for my suit. Which sucks. I've got limited funds from selling the shiny last weekend, and was hoping that it would last a bit longer. But what's needed is what's needed and I need a suit. For interviews. I hate suits. It's been said I look sharp in 'em, but I still don't like 'em.
C) Carton of cigarettes.

A, B and C combined with gas money for TH, will be most if not all of the 100+ bucks I have left. *sigh* Everything's going great and then money creeps in.

Another reason that I might not go is job calls. Company calls me wanting to talk to me, and I'm gone? I could explain it away, but I'd like to be here. That said, phones haven't exactly been ringing off the hook for me. So, odds are missing one day won't kill the job hunt. Probably not even a flesh wound. The money's going to be gone eventually *anyway*. I can't think of anything better to spend it on. I need to get to Champaign on the 11th, but I don't think that will be a problem. 'chelle said she'd give me gas money for Sunday, so that'll carry through that.

Damn, but I need a job. I'm glad I put extra money back for next month's car insurance. That buys me a little time. But nothing can compare to a job. I need steady income. I want to be able to see 'chelle more. I want to be able to actually afford to _take_her_on_a_date_ for crying out loud. Show her all the culture that central Illinois/western Indiana can offer. Without being a damned car race or demolition derby.

*sigh*

On to other things, that won't cause me any grief or stress, but can get annoying to someone such as me.

If you read this, you mind just nipping in that little comment box and saying something? I'm trying to get a read on who's reading me. My server logs only tell me so much. Thank you so much.

:: Cameron 6/4/2003 10:52:03 PM [+] ::
...

Y'know, I'm really starting to like this whole "pseudo-relationship" OE and I have going. Is it near as good as the "real thing?" Yeah. Nearly. Only thing missing is the quasi-commitment that a tried and true relationship has. There are reasons for avoiding it, reasons that I understand. Is it something I hope is rectified soon? Yeah. It's kind of hard, being the "heart-on-sleeve" person that I am, to choke down things I want to say, that I need to say eventually.

But that's the word. Eventually.

It comes up whenever we talk about an "us" that may or may not happen. (Smart money seems to be on the "may happen). Eventually. It's difficult, being someone who is notionally a private, shy (ish) person (it's true) who doesn't really like to speak of things that aren't really "open knowledge"-- it's almost a trial being with someone who is as open as the prairie.

Eventually.

This isn't saying that I don't love every minute of when we're together or when we're talking. It takes her back how much I demonstrate how I feel. It takes me aback when she doesn't. =) Pretty balanced relationship right there. I look forward to talking to her online. I look forward to reading her blog, to the times when she comes over here. I'm looking forward to going to her apt. Sunday and entering her world. Looking forward to that more than I have a right to.

Yes, she reads this-- "Hi, OE!" But this hasn't been written for her. We've discussed all of this before. I just need to get some of these thoughts off of my chest. Because it is difficult, it is hard, it is grating that all of this is true. What it isn't, is unbearable. Anything worth having is worth working your ass off for. And I've been working and I'm going to continue doing so.

Of course, that brings up a whole new set of worries. (I'm a worrier. I worry. S'what I do, and I do it well). When I have a bad day, when I'm not as communicative, when I stop saying things 7-8 times a day, is that when she's going to start to wonder if I still feel like I do now? (Yes, we have to avoid certain words here.) She says no. That's a ways off.

That's "eventually."

We get along great, even our issues are compatible. And we both have fscking subscriptions. We're both trying to protect her, so that works well. She's trying to give me what I need (vocalization) as much as she can. We're both working at this, working hard. I think it just might work out. Maybe. She knows the ball's in her court, and it is. I'm just waiting for her to cross the center line. I've never, never, met anyone that even comes close to her. Just the way she makes me feel when I'm talking to her or with her. I've told her that before, and I'm sure I'll say that again. Maybe, eventually, to her face. heh.

Eventually.


:: Cameron 6/3/2003 10:54:23 PM [+] ::
...

Really don't like it when I can't sleep. This would be every night.

Lay down to sleep at midnight, up at 3.30. Dammit.

Of course, I've also got this bedamned cough. Blazed around the house in a matter of weeks, thought I was going to escape without getting it. Makes it hard to get/stay asleep, even if you throw out any of my usual sleep problems.

blah.


:: Cameron 6/3/2003 03:58:20 AM [+] ::
...

Use your imagination.

Consider, if you will, a white .jpg where these words are. On this graphic it says "Microsoft Certified Professional, Windows 2000 Server"

That's what I wanted to put up here. Can't yet, though.

Although I did pass the W2K Server exam today.

I give many much love to those that were thinking of me at approximately 1 p.m. Central time today. *kisskiss*

So, no rants about how I'm a failure today. Just wanting to share, wishing I could share more. =)


:: Cameron 6/2/2003 07:34:58 PM [+] ::
...

You know that feeling you get when you really really like someone, and you're pretty sure that the feeling is returned? But you don't know?

That giddiness, that confidence, the walking around all day with a grin on your face and a bounce in your step?

The noticing of things you've hardly ever noticed before, like flowers and birds?

Yeah, me either.


:: Cameron 6/1/2003 11:20:34 PM [+] ::
...

It's A Perfect Circle day at the Akers Compound.

Maynard James Keenan is one of the best vocalists out there. bar none.

A Perfect Circle - Rose Lyrics

Lyrics For Rose

Don't disturb
The beast
The tempermental goat
The snail while he's feeding on
the Rose
Stay frozen, compromising
What I will
I am

Bend around
The wind silently
thrown about
Again I'm treading so
Soft and lightly
Compromising my will
I am

I am
I will
So no longer
Will I
Lay down
Play dead
Play your doe
in the headlights locked down
and terrified
Your deer in the headlights
shot down and horrified when
Push comes to pull comes to shove
Comes to step around this
Self-destructing dance that never
would've ended till I
Rose,
I roared aloud here
I will
I am.

I am
I will
So no longer
Will I
Lay down
Lay dead
Play this
Kneel down
Gun-shy Martyr
Pitiful
I rose, I roared
I will
I am

:: Cameron 6/1/2003 05:48:46 PM [+] ::
...

This weekend was declared a blog-free zone, and only Shannon and I missed the memo, apparently.

Studying hard for the 76-215 test. Cramming won't help, but I do know a lot of this. So I'm refreshing and adding more with each path through the notes I have. Annoying. I can feel my good mood of the last couple days wearing thin.

Had coffee with Shannon last night. I dig her company, I really do. We sat there and talked and talked for well nigh 5 hours, just sitting at Steak&Shake drinking coffee. Quite a cool time. Able to laugh and joke and talk seriously all at once. It's rare that you have someone you can do that with.

I hear tell I'm going to have company this coming Saturday. Which is very cool. Until my employment issue is settled, I can go very few places. I hope to zip to Indiana for a couple days or so very soon, though. Look for a job and assorted other things. Wear my stylin' suit, actually look presentable/respectable.

Reason I'm blogging now is that I'm downloading Acrobat reader. Lot of study guides out there use .pdf format. For some reason, I've escaped having the reader on my computer. Which is odd. I personally have trouble with the idea. .pdf is a de facto standard everywhere. I so hate being behind the Joneses.

Anyway, those of you that know/care, should you wish to get in touch with me today a quick phone call would probably be the best, until about 8.30 or 9. I'll be online spottily-- although my download has another hour+ to go. I fscking hate dialup. Anyway, I'll be online around 8.30 to do the whole baseball thing. Other than that, I'm studying.

No bold predictions about how much I know, this time. Those damned tests are humbling.

Tenser.

:: Cameron 6/1/2003 11:24:38 AM [+] ::
...