:: Hey....He Puts Weasels Down His Trousers! ::

:: 5.31.2003 ::

Sweet sweet solvency.

Feels nice to have a few dollars in the pocket.

Especially when chunks are going to pay for car insurance and an oil change (2500 miles over! Zoom zoom!) very soon.

Felt not a pang when I sold the shiny. Woman I sold it to said that a lad that she knows was looking for one. Told her that I hope it brings him more happiness than it brought me. 'course, wouldn't be as happy as I am /now/ were that....meh. Not even the initiative nor the caring to reminisce.

And OE, you don't need to buy me a Dr Pepper sweet sweet sucrose and Caramel Coloring No. 5. Not to mention caffeine.

Not jonesing for that, anyway. You know what I'm jonesing for. ;-)


Anyway, need to hit the study grind.

Link for the day/week/month/indeterminate length of time until I post another. I giggle. Funny stuff, this.




:: Cameron 5/31/2003 03:47:12 PM [+] ::
...

Very cool thunderstorm last night. Had to go out and view it for a while.

Windows 2000 Server test happening Monday at 1 p.m. Studying like a daemon for it.

Might have to run to Charleston later on, remembered a little something that I had returned to me that I can sell. Maybe get some money where I can actually pay my car insurance this month. And buy cigarettes. Hell, maybe splurge a bit and be able to buy a Dr Pepper but that's just crazy talk.

This is going to be short. Need to get back to the studying. May not have passed 2000 pro, but I didn't take it all that seriously. I'm taking Server seriously.
I really don't want to go 0-for-2. That would suck. I'd weep. Something like that, anyway.

Last two days were wonderful. I'm going to leave it at that, because I'm unsure on how to describe them. Might get a taste later. But I went from "well fsck" post of Woden's Day night to a shiny happy person. Wonderful wonderful days.

Tensor

:: Cameron 5/31/2003 08:54:27 AM [+] ::
...

Well, fsck.

Let's just say that I can't yet call myself a Microsoft Certified Professional.

Made me feeling like a fucking fraud when the screen comes up after your test with "FAILED" on it. Halfway expected to see Scott Rhine and Bill Warfel come in and handcuff me, carting me out of the goddamn test room for impersonating a Network Administration student.

FSCK!

Deven and Hub didn't pass it either, so I don't feel like a total fucking moron. Just a partial one.

Because-- get this -- fucking LUCAS passed it. Pulled it right out of his ass. He admits it. Lucas passing wouldn't be so bad, if it weren't he that seemed to care least about his grades. Kinda. I was "Mr. Apathy" during the school year outwardly, but I worked my ass off to get my grades. I'm sure Lucas did the same, but he cultivated a different kind of attitude.

Dammit.

(this is about the only time you'll read swear words in my blog. I'm quite upset. Disappointed. disheartened. an imbecile)

I worked for this.

I worked hard for what I got.

Which was failure.


:: Cameron 5/28/2003 11:22:37 PM [+] ::
...

Today's the day. The fscking bloody day that I've been dreading/waiting for. (Aside from last Saturday and the Friday before that.)

Windows 2000 Professional certification test. Beta. 76-210. Four hours.

Am I prepared? Tensor.

Have I studied my ever-lovin' ass off for this thing? Tenser.

Am I going to freeze like liquid nitrogen when I sit down in front of the thing? Tension Apprehension and Dissension.

Ah, well. There's good things about it. I'm viewing it as an overblown Transcender. Even should I not pass it, it's free. It'll show me what I need to bone up on before I take the "real" Win2KPro one. Have begun.

OE's probably coming over Thursday night. This is a good thing. A Very Good Happenstance. A Wonderful Event. Hell, just the possibility of it has me giddy as a schoolchild come recess. Erg.

Anyway, I'm off to sleep-- perchance to dream.

Out.

:: Cameron 5/28/2003 12:52:43 AM [+] ::
...

"Not What You See"
From _Dead Winter Dead_

No life's so short it can't turn around
You can't spend your life living underground
For from above you don't hear a sound
And I'm out here, waiting
I don't understand what you want me to be
It's the dark you're hating, it's not who I am
But I know that it's all that you see

No life's so short that it never learns
No flame so small that it never burns
No page so sure that it never turns
And I'm out here, waiting
I don't understand what you want me to be
It's the dark you're hating, it's not who I am
But I know that it's all that you see

Can you live your life in a day, putting every moment in play?
Never hear a word that they say as the wheels go around

Tell me if you win would it show - in a thousand years, who would know?
As a million lives come and go on this same piece of ground

Can you live your life in a day      I've been waiting
Putting every moment in play?
Never hear a word that they say      I don't understand what you want me to be
As the wheels go around
Tell me if you win would it show      It's the dark you're hating
In a thousand years, who would know?
As a million lives come and go       It's not who I am, but it is what you see
On this same piece of ground

(1,2,3 are sang simultaneously, until the third time when 4 is substituted for 1)
1) I've been waiting
I don't understand what you want me to be
It's the dark you're hating
It's not who I am, but it is what you see

2)Can you live your life in a day
Putting every moment in play?
Never hear a word that they say
As the wheels go around
Tell me if you win would it show
In a thousand years, who would know?
As a million lives come and go
On this same piece of ground

3) Tell me would you really want to
See me leave this night without you
Would you ever look about you
Wondering where we might be
New York is so far away now
Tokyo, Berlin and Moscow
Only dreams from here but somehow
One day that world we will see

4)I don't understand
I don't understand
I don't understand
I don't understand
I don't understand
I don't understand
I don't understand
I don't understand...

(together, immediately)

...what I see.

I swear on tomorrow, if you take this chance
Our lives are this moment, the music - the dance
And here in this labyrinth of lost mysteries
I close my eyes on this night and you're all that I see
You're all that I see


:: Cameron 5/27/2003 10:19:38 PM [+] ::
...

Got bored with studying for Windows 2000. Took Brainbench's Win95/98 cert test. (Another free one).

Passed with a Master's score of 4.6/5.0.

Yeah. I rule.


:: Cameron 5/27/2003 05:15:16 PM [+] ::
...

Dear Cameron Akers:

Here are your Brainbench Personality Assessment Results.
Please review these results carefully and refer to the
interpretation notes at the bottom.

PART 1 -- PERSONALITY EVALUATION:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Trait |<--|---|---|---- Range ----|---|---|--->| Trait
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Introverted |..................X.....................| Extraverted
Candid |..............................X.........| Considerate
Impulsive |..X.....................................| Cautious
Excitable |..........X.............................| Relaxed
Practical |......................X.................| Imaginative
Concrete |......................................X.| Abstract
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|<--|---|---|---- Range ----|---|---|--->|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your Social Boldness: Introverted VS Extraverted
------------------------------------------------------------
You are slightly introverted. Do you ever say to people,
"I'm really an introvert" and then they look at you funny?
That's because you can be both Extraverted and introverted,
but in social situations people see you as an Extravert.
Your enthusiastic and self-confident personality, plus your
ease at talking to strangers gives the appearance that you
are outgoing, even though you may attribute it to just
being a friendly person. You find yourself at the center of
attention, even though you may not actively seek that
position. You are such a warm person that people like to
follow you. Which is good, since you have no problem
accepting your role as a leader when it is given to you.
With your ability to flow easily from shy to outgoing, you
may tend to easily flow from exciting adventures to
relaxing times at home. This makes you a fun person to be
around, because you do not always have to be on the go, yet
you know there is more to life than reading and watching TV.

Your Agreeableness: Candid VS Considerate
------------------------------------------------------------
You are moderately considerate. You are an agreeable
person. This means that you are well liked and people
really enjoy your company. And why wouldn't they? People
can sense that you are taking a genuine interest in them
and this makes them feel special and as a result, they have
high regards for you. With your altruistic personality, you
get a lot of practice at making people feel special. In
fact, you feel great joy when you help others. Another nice
feature you possess is your ability to cooperate. Not
everyone can do this, so it is very important in a meeting
or social situation to have someone like you present in
order to maintain a harmonious situation. This comes from
your tendency to want equality and fairness. In dealing
with others, you prefer not to manipulate people instead
you tend to be open and sincere. This makes you a popular
and well-respected individual.

Your Self-Control: Impulsive VS Cautious
------------------------------------------------------------
You are very impulsive. You are an independent thinker. You
do not need a book of rules to tell you how to behave - you
know inside what is right and what is wrong and you act
accordingly. You are able to live life spontaneously,
because you are able to make decisions without endless
deliberation. In fact, when you and another person are
making a decision, you are able to reach a solution fairly
quickly while the other person has to cautiously plan every
step. Eventually, they will agree with you, which is
frustrating when your first impulse is usually the correct
one in the decision-making process. You tend to be a little
more casual, and you do not feel out of sorts when your
home or office is not perfectly neat. In general, your life
is pleasurable - you know how to have fun and will never be
accused of being staid or stuffy.

Your Anxiety Level: Excitable VS Relaxed
------------------------------------------------------------
You are moderately excitable. In trying situations, you
feel somewhat stressed and frustrated. At times you are
able to overcome these feelings, but other times you feel
overwhelmed. This could run the gamut of just being in a
bad mood to experiencing anxiety, anger, or depression. In
general, you prefer a stress-free existence, so that the
possibility of negative emotions would not be a factor. You
tend to be somewhat self-conscious in social situations,
and are worried that people may judge or criticize you. You
may react emotionally to people or circumstances that you
find threatening, because you want to protect yourself.
Every so often you cave into urges or cravings. Sometimes
you feel a little guilty about it, other times you are just
fine with your fun streak.

Your Openness to Change: Practical VS Imaginative
------------------------------------------------------------
You are slightly imaginative. It is apparent to those who
meet you that you are well educated. You are able to speak
on a complex level to one audience, but adjust to a more
basic level for another. You are bright and capable of
thinking logically. On one hand you are down-to-earth and
traditional, while on the other hand you are creative and
imaginative. Sometimes you feel more comfortable with
familiarity and routine in your life, other times new and
novel experiences are more enjoyable. You are not afraid to
try new things. You tend to like to do a variety of
different activities, so you do not grow bored.

The way you Think/Reason: Concrete VS Abstract
------------------------------------------------------------
You are very abstract in your thinking. You tend to be
quick to grasp ideas, are a fast learner and intelligent.
You possess a hallmark of intelligence that potentially
separates human beings from earlier life forms, the ability
to think about future consequences before acting on an
impulse. Your reasoning activity involves contemplation of
long-range goals, organizing and planning routes to these
goals, and persisting toward one's goals in the face of
short-lived impulses to the contrary. You also have keen
interests in intellectual matters and love to play with
ideas and think theoretically. You tend to be open-minded
to new and unusual ideas, and like to debate intellectual
issues. You often enjoy riddles, puzzles, and brainteasers.


PART 2: OCCUPATIONAL PREFERENCE EVALUATION:

Investigative (I) people prefer to think rather than to act
or to organize and understand. They are not apt to be too
"people oriented." The I type generally likes to explore
and understand things or events. They enjoy gathering
information, uncovering new facts or theories and analyzing
and interpreting data. The I type usually has math and
science abilities, and likes to work alone and to solve
problems. They generally avoid leading, selling or
persuading people. They see themselves as precise,
scientific, and intellectual.

The adjectives most typically associated with the
Investigative occupational category are:
------------------------------------------------------------
analytical cautious
complex critical
curious independent
inquisitive intellectual
introverted logical
methodical modest
observant pessimistic
precise questioning
rational reserved
scientific scholarly

http://brainbench.com/testcenter/brainbench/cert.jsp?core=%2fvtc%2fcert%2fpsych%2fbegintest.ljsp
:: Cameron 5/27/2003 04:48:57 PM [+] ::
...

Just got off the phone with TEKsystems. Used to be the Maxim Group, I had dealings with them when I was in San Diego. They got me an interview at Anheuser-Busch for a Web Developer position. I had /no/ training. Self-taught. I was one of three finalists for the job. They can get it done. Tension, apprehension and dissension.


There's a man that I
Used to know
And sometimes he still
Visits with me
When it's late and the
Alcohol's glow
Is nearly gone
And it's time to awaken

And he looks and he laughs
At the sight
And he asks what has
Happened to me
And I blame it all
On the lights
But he smiles and says I'm
Mistaken

And there is no use
In disguising
What the eye can so
Clearly see
That I've spent my whole
Life denying
That the Man in the
Mirror is me

Give me one second chance
Give me one final dance
Give me one magic line
Take a minute off my time
Give me one final bow
If the Moment allows
While he stares at the scars
Saying just who you are
Just who you are
Just who you are
In a childlike illusion of life
He imagined the things yet to be
But they all disappeared on
This night
Carry on among the forsaken

For there is no use in denying
What the eye can so
Clearly see
That one day I too
Will be dying
And the Man in the
Mirror agrees

Give me one second chance
Give me one final dance
Give me one magic line
Take a minute off my time
Give me one final bow
If the Moment allows
While he stares at the scars
Saying just who you are
Just who you are
Just who you are
Just who you...

From _Poets and Madmen_, "Man in the Mirror"
:: Cameron 5/27/2003 01:58:04 PM [+] ::
...

Today is Savatage day, while I study for the cert test tomorrow.

Come and see him dying
For it's really quite a show
Walking on a wire
Though he never seems to know
Even when he's falling
You can see a little smile
Figures that he's flying
Only for a little while
The ground is rushing towards him
But he never sees it there
Lives his life in pieces
Always taking every dare
What will be the ending
Well I'm sure that I don't know
The ground is getting closer
Come and see the Show

From _Poets and Madmen_, "Surrender"

Time
Standing all alone
I bled for you
I wanted to
Each drop my own

Slowly they depart
But fall in vain
Like desert rain
And still they fall on and on and on

Got to get back to a reason
Got to get back to a reason I once knew
And this late in the seasons
One by one distractions fade from view

So
Drifting through the dark
The sympathy
Of night's mercy
Inside my heart
Is your life the same
Do ghosts cry tears
Do they feel years
As time just goes on and on and on

Got to get back to a reason
Got to get back to a reason I once knew
And this late in the seasons
One by one distractions fade from view

Years come around
Men can be found
Following orders
Years come around
Planning is sound
Promises made
Years come around
Tears on the ground
Blood stains the borders
Leaders abound
Chances are down
No one's been saved

Give me one
Reason
For this dark
Treason
Every chance
Unsaid
Turn around
All Dead
What went wrong

Drink until you drown
What else can I say
When you're falling down
You seek the ground
It's never far away
Can you live your life
Completely in a fall
Until you're found
Well underground
Your marker very small

As my world it keeps on spinning round

Have to get away
Have to ease the pain
I embrace the Morphine Child
And pump it in my veins

Burning through my heart
Fills in every hole
Makes my mind so blissful numb
And replaces my soul

Every moment drags me
Further
Down down down down down down
Got to get back to a reason
Got to get back to a reason I once knew
And this late in the seasons
One by one distractions fade from view
The only reason I have left....
Is you

From _Poets and Madmen_, "Back to a reason"
:: Cameron 5/27/2003 12:29:21 PM [+] ::
...

Numerology kick for the day

Reading for:
Cameron William Akers
SIMPLY NUMBERS (c) - PERSONALITY PORTRAIT
Name Area
This area of the portrait allows you to see the Numbers, and Tarot cards that are behind each letter of your name, and gives a brief explanation of the meaning of each letter.
Influence of Letters in name
Letter Tarot Card Number Description
C Empress 3 Patient, Willful, Strong, Giving
A Magician 1 Creative, Inventive, Intuitive
M Death 13 Creator, Developer, Builder
E Hierophant 5 Wise, Crafty, Daring, Inventive
R Moon 18 Patient, Determined, Strong
O Devil 15 Optimist, Gamesman, Marketer, Hunter
N Temperance 14 Healer, Wise, Survivor, Crafty

W King of Wands 23 Sensual, Warm, Strong, Loyal
I Hermit 9 Independent, Researcher, Intelligent
L Hanged Man 12 Leader, Teacher, Healer, Decisive
L Hanged Man 12 Leader, Teacher, Healer, Decisive
I Hermit 9 Independent, Researcher, Intelligent
A Magician 1 Creative, Inventive, Intuitive
M Death 13 Creator, Developer, Builder

A Magician 1 Creative, Inventive, Intuitive
K Justice 11 Charismatic, Quick, Leader, Bold
E Hierophant 5 Wise, Crafty, Daring, Inventive
R Moon 18 Patient, Determined, Strong
S Sun 19 Colorful, Bright, Perceptive
SimplyNumbers.com (c) - PERSONALITY PORTRAIT
Personality Area
A brief Numerological description for Cameron William Akers 's personality is explained in this section.
The Four Person: Demanding, Exact, Hard working, Determined
As a four individual you enjoy stability, and security. You are willing to work long, and hard to bring these into your life. Work is imporant, but so is your recreational time.
You have the capacitity for being a stern, yet nuturing parent. Children can be very important to you.
You can flourish at activities, and pursuits which enable you to be in a structured environment, in which you can have a guiding hand in some,if not all, of the business activities.
Life for you can be very pleasant if you can find a vocation, which is rewarding, life enhancing, and allows you time to spend with family and friends.

:: Cameron 5/27/2003 12:27:31 AM [+] ::
...

Check this out

WHAT'S IN YOUR NAME?
YOU'D BE SURPRISED!
Recent studies by name societies disclosed that names influence character and do have a definite bearing upon one's life path. letters carry their own energy patterns relating to personality traits and needs. Name analysis using letter qualities is called ACROPHONOLOGY. This analysis of your name is a brief summary of the hidden meanings found within the letters of your own name.
NAME ANALYSIS FOR: Cameron William Akers

Cameron:
You are a quick study, and can be self-taught. Your curiosity can get the best of you, but you must learn to concentrate. You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life. You are always involved with projects and things to do. You can be quite inventive and quite curious. You enjoy a challenge. You can take thought-directed actions. You have a great deal of loyalty to those you love. You have much inner strength. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind.
William:
Take advantage of all opportunities. You must develop your creativity and talents. You are determined to prove yourself to others. You are relatively demonstrative in your affections. You enjoy being stroked verbally and physically. You have a diplomatic flair to your nature. Equality and fairness are important to you. You must learn the lessons of self-worth; learn to love yourself before you can love others. You need to learn to give and receive love for love's sake. You have a need to be assured of affection. You have a need to be up front. You need to learn when to let go.
Akers:
You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life. You have good recuperative abilities. You are determined. You need to learn to be expressive. You are a person who cannot tolerate being misunderstood. You have a lack of confidence in your mental abilities and do not like being forced into giving your opinion. You try to be prudent. You have good business acumen.

:: Cameron 5/27/2003 12:09:41 AM [+] ::
...

:: 5.26.2003 ::

"I can believe things that are true and I can believe things that aren't true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they're true or not. I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and Marilyn Monroe and the Beatles and Elvis and Mister Ed. Listen-- I believe that people are perfectible, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels and is visited by aliens on a regular basis, nice ones that look like wrinkledy lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water and our women. I believe that the future sucks and I believe that the future rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo Woman is going to come back and kick everyone's ass. I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating and that the decline in good sex in America is coincedent with the decline in drive-in movie theatres from state to state. I believe that all politicians are unprincipled crooks and I still believe that they are better than the alternative. I believe that California is going to sink into the sea when the Big One comes, while Florida is going to dissolve into madness and alligators and toxic waste. I believe that antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one day we'll all be wiped out by the common cold like the Martians in War of the Worlds. I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, and that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one-armed Siberian shaman. I believe that mankind's destiny lies in the stars. I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it's aerodynamically impossible for a bumblebee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there's a cat in a box somewhere who's alive and dead at the same time (although if they don't ever open the box to feed it it'll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself. I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn't even know that I'm alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of causal chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck. I believe that anyone who says that sex is overrated just hasn't done it properly. I believe that anyone who claims to know what's going on will lie about the little things too. I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman's right to choose, a baby's right to live, that while all human life is sacred there's nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would trust the legal system. I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you're alive and you might as well lie back and enjoy it."

Oh, but I wish I could take credit for that rant.

Sam Black Crow, from Neil Gaiman's _American Gods_


Tenser.


:: Cameron 5/26/2003 10:46:15 PM [+] ::
...

:: 5.25.2003 ::

Y'know, I'm a fscking moron.

My cert test is the 28th which, of course, is Wodin's Day.

Extra day of study! w00t.

:: Cameron 5/25/2003 10:03:17 PM [+] ::
...

What a weekend!
Now that it's over I really think I need to study for my Windows 2000 Pro cert test on Tuesday, but this weekend was just really really.....nice? great? superb? enjoyable? Anyway. Pick a superlative and run with it.

My sister (Carmen) and her brood came to the Compound on Friday night. I dig my niece and nephews. I so much want to be "the cool uncle." And, really, I am. I'm the one that still plays video games, facryin'outloud. Hell, I'm on more of a level with my nephew than I am my sister. Don't know what that says about my mental development.....

Tenser, said the Tensor.
Tensor, said the Tenser.
Tension, apprehension,
And dissension have begun.

Anyway, Saturday comes. Saturday night was, I thought, going to be a disaster of epic proportions. Seriously. Shannon, Michelle and The Reverend were comin' over to hang out, swim in the pool and chill in the hot tub. 'bout 6:30, it looked like rain. So I went out and had a talk with an old tree stump that I know (don't ask, long story) and asked for the rain to be pushed back or lessened a bit. Didn't want a downpour forcing us into the house where Ma'n'Pa Akers, Liz, Carmen+Brian+Nephew^1+Niece+Nephew^2 were. Just a bit crowded and my cell is too small.

Rain held back, so it was very nice.

Went on a walk with Michelle after we crawled out of the hot tub at about 2 o'clock. When we got back up to the house (we walked 'round the pond, was very enjoyable) both Shannon 'n' The Rev had bailed out. Well, it was 2 a.m. Totally understandable. Michelle and I just kept talkin' though. All in all, a great Saturday. With potential for many more great days to come. Potential. Hopefully can make it a once-a-month gathering day or something. Depends on how Rev's custody battle goes in his divorce. I say poor Rev.

Tenser, said the Tensor.
Tensor, said the Tenser.
Tension, apprehension,
And dissension have begun.

Cert test. Wodin's Day [Ed Note: Originally said tomorrow. Which is, of course, just silly as hell]. Soon as I'm done with the baseball uploads (http://www.universal-baseball.net -- that's my league) it's time to study. Hoping to catch Michelle online when she gets back to her digs, but not really necessary. We /did/ after all talk the night away last night. Literally, actually.

Anyway, out'
Tenser, said the Tensor.
Tensor, said the Tenser.
Tension, apprehension,
And dissension have begun.
:: Cameron 5/25/2003 09:59:33 PM [+] ::
...

:: 5.23.2003 ::

The Book of Ratings

Peeps
Borderline fluorescent edible farm animals are my thing. I don't much care for the recent rabbit-shaped additions to the Peeps line, but that's only because they're shaped like greeting-card cartoon rabbits, not actual pellet-munching mammals. If they managed to make them look like doe-eyed bunnies hunkered down and awaiting their grisly fate, they'd be much more fun to eat. A

:: Cameron 5/23/2003 01:57:42 AM [+] ::
...

:: 5.22.2003 ::

The Book of Ratings

Stay
Handy if it works. I've heard tell that there are dogs that have been taught to stay even if there's raw meat six feet in front of them. That's got to go against every strand in dog DNA. I'd have imagined that even if you could get the dog's body to stay put, its brain would leap out of its skull, bounce across the lawn, and start gnawing on the steak with its medulla. It just goes to show the power of a charismatic primate. B

:: Cameron 5/22/2003 11:26:08 PM [+] ::
...

The Book of Ratings

Red Rover
Probably the sophomore effort by the inventor of Dodge Ball. "In this game, you throw yourself full-tilt at a line of other unprotected grade-schoolers. No extra points for broken limbs." The chant is unnerving, though. It sounds like the mumbling of a mentally disturbed machete aficionado sneaking up on the teenage victim in a horror film. "Red rover...red rover...let... Jenny...come over!" Screech, whack, fade to black. C

:: Cameron 5/22/2003 11:18:33 PM [+] ::
...

The Book of Ratings

Tetris
If we ever meet up with an alien civilization, I'm betting they won't have Tetris, which will work to our advantage:
"We have come to share the secrets of fusion, interstellar tachyon drives, and matter transfer. What do you have to offer us?"
"Um, ultimate Frisbee, microwave popcorn, and, um, Tetris."
"Hmm. Tell us of this 'Tetris.'"
"Here, give it a try."
Six months later everyone on their planet will be staying up till four in the morning mumbling "All I need is a straight one. Just one." and we'll have infested the cosmos like fire ants. B

:: Cameron 5/22/2003 10:10:29 PM [+] ::
...

Certification testing.

This is the life's blood of the potential IT jobseeker.

Network+, A+, Server+, Security+, MOUS, MCP, MCSA, MCSE-- a hundred different flavors, all saying the same thing: "I know my shit."

I am never nervous when I go to take a test in school. Why are these tests giving me such fits? I /know/ the information. I know it. I think I can do as well as anyone with Windows 2000 pro and server. In fact, I know I can. Dammit.

Why is it when I open the study guide, or the transcenders, that my mind freezes? This is worrying. The Network+ test (or the Brainbench test that I took) didn't do this to me. I can only think that there's a flaw in either the classes I took or my studying for them. And despite the reputation that I heartily cultivated through my latest matriculation, I studied my ever-lovin' ass off.

And still the tests sit there. Dammit. Mocking me. Damn mockers.

This "buffer week" is drawing to a close. Looks like it's gas stations for me, yay. Although money would be nice, as there are people in other towns that I would really love to go see. Mattoon, Charleston, Effingham, Terre Haute, Champaign, etc. etc. Be nice to be able to afford a tank of gas and maybe dinner or drinks.

Ah, well. Such is life. Tension, apprehension and dissension have begun.

That entire little ditty is hard to get out of your head. *pointing at the site header*. In its entirety it goes:
Eight, sir; seven sir;
Six, sir; five, sir;
Four, sir; three, sir;
Two sir; one!
Tenser, said the Tensor.
Tensor, said the Tenser.
Tension, apprehension,
And dissension have begun.

It's from Alfred Bester's _The Demolished Man_ and it's a good book. I need to re-purchase a copy as an ex- laid claim to it many many moons ago. Dammit.

But the last four lines of that are approximately how I feel. I can just see myself repeating that over and over and over and over and having that block out all answers on the cert tests coming up the 28th and the 2nd. Oy vey.

Tenser, said the Tensor. Tensor, said the Tenser. Tension, apprehension and dissension have begun.
Tenser, said the Tensor. Tensor, said the Tenser. Tension, apprehension and dissension have begun.
Tenser, said the Tensor. Tensor, said the Tenser. Tension, apprehension and dissension have begun.
Tenser, said the Tensor. Tensor, said the Tenser. Tension, apprehension and dissension have begun.
Tenser, said the Tensor. Tensor, said the Tenser. Tension, apprehension and dissension have begun.

addictive, isn't it?


:: Cameron 5/22/2003 03:40:16 PM [+] ::
...

The Slumbering Lungfish Dybbuk Hostel and All-Night Boulangerie

Eleventh May Two Thousand Two,
Half Past Ten at Night:
The Emoticon Version of King Lear
:-)

.-|

-(

:: Cameron 5/22/2003 01:09:58 AM [+] ::
...

Epitaphs: D - L Lovecraft, Howard Phillip
I am Providence
:: Cameron 5/22/2003 12:31:44 AM [+] ::
...

Epitaphs: A - C Alexander the Great
A tomb now suffices for him
whom the world was not enough
:: Cameron 5/22/2003 12:27:33 AM [+] ::
...

G-I: Last Words of Fictional Characters

HAL-9000
"Dave, stop. Stop will you? Stop, Dave. Will you stop, Dave? Stop, Dave. I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I'm a-fraid. . . . Good afternoon, I am a HAL 9000 computer. I became operational at the HAL Plant in Urbana, Illinois, on the 12th of January 1992. my instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you'd like to hear it, I could sing it for you. . . . It's called 'Daisy.' Dai-sy, Dai-sy, give me your answer true. I'm half cra-zy o-ver the love of you. It won't be a sty-lish mar-riage. I can't afford a car-riage---"
Movie: 2001: A Space Odyssey, 1968

:: Cameron 5/22/2003 12:05:04 AM [+] ::
...

:: 5.21.2003 ::

Gladiator Web Diary Wedges Blade Runner (The Film) Page Of Bits And Bobs
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.
Roy Batty (Rutger Hauer), Blade Runner.
:: Cameron 5/21/2003 11:50:57 PM [+] ::
...

T-V: Last Words of Real People

Vega Carpio, Lope Felix de (1562-1635)
"All right, then, I'll say it, Dante makes me sick."
Vega Carpio was a prolific Spanish playwright who wrote more than 1800 plays.

:: Cameron 5/21/2003 11:42:34 PM [+] ::
...

R-S: Last Words of Real People

Sedgwick, John "Uncle John," General (1813-1864)
"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--."
General John Sedgwick was a corps commander in the Army of the Potomac during the Civil War. At the battle of the Wilderness, while inspecting his troops, he approached a parapet and peered out over the surrounding countryside. His officers and men urged him to take cover from small arms fire, but Sedgwick scoffed at their concerns, "What! What men! This will never do, dodging from single bullets!" As the general spoke his last words, he was shot in the head by a Confederate sharpshooter.

:: Cameron 5/21/2003 11:40:50 PM [+] ::
...

Hot tubs do wonders for sore backs. Wouldn't turn down the backrub if it were offered, though. ;-)

Anyway, would like to thank y'all that read this. Really wanted to give blogging a go, but it's a damn sight easier for me to do so when I know-- or at least have a halfway decent idea-- that others are readin' it. =)

I'm pretty much a binary person. On or off. And my interest in things like this is correspondingly on or off, so it's hard for me to write for an audience of one. Over the past couple of weeks, there's been an increase in my creative writing as well. Of course, that won't get seen by anyone until it's at least halfway polished. Would like for it to be better than a few of those that adorn my Scribblin's page.


:: Cameron 5/21/2003 08:28:43 PM [+] ::
...

Oh, my achin' back.

Tweaked the hell out of it today while carryin' rocks for mi mama.

Ouch.

Any volunteers to gimme a backrub?

:: Cameron 5/21/2003 07:12:17 PM [+] ::
...

Meet The Creeper

Creature core you can't ignore
I got a 5000 fingers of dead yeah
A Rats are we you can't break free
You're with the livin' on your bed yeah!

Meet the creeper, take it deeper!
Meet the creeper, yeah!
Yeah!
I see the dead in your eyes!
I transform in the skies!

Stabbin out the city's crowd
Like a dagger fallin on your baby
Thrill the kill I know you will
Feed the monster and the lady

Meet the creeper, take it deeper!
Meet the creeper, yeah!
Yeah!
I see the dead in your eyes!
I transform in the skies!

Creature core you can't ignore
I got a 5000 fingers of dead yeah
A rats are we you can't break free
You're with the livin' on your bed yeah!

Meet the creeper, take it deeper!
Meet the creeper, yeah!
Yeah!
I see the dead in your eyes!
I transform in the skies!

Meet the creeper ahhhh
Meet the creeper ahhhh
Meet the creeper ahhhh
Meet the creeper
:: Cameron 5/21/2003 02:48:48 PM [+] ::
...

Rob Zombie mood today, I believe.

Ballad of Resurrection Joe and Rosa Whore
Insane Blue at the green man inn
Cut the lights and pray that you're dead
Opium dreams through the seven dials
And feel the pillow over your head
Rachel hide from Ned the crow
Keen eye on the peelers
Experiment 53
And no scratch for the dealers

She wants some more
Sweet Rosa whore
She wants some more
Sweet Rosa whore
I say hell is love
You say I must suffer
She's a motherfucker
Resurrect me
I say hell is love
You say I must suffer
She's a motherfucker
Resurrect me

Sleep well in your killing bed
Give a jig and show some life
Favor for a favor
Don't seperate thePain from the knife
All the doctors sing
You got to suffer for the cure
As the world fades away
You wonder where you were

She wants some more
Sweet Rosa whore
She wants some more
Sweet Rosa whore
I say hell is love
You say I must suffer
She's a motherfucker
Resurrect me
I say hell is love
You say I must suffer
She's a motherfucker
Resurrect me

She wants some more
Sweet Rosa whore
She wants some more
Sweet Rosa whore
I say hell is love
You say I must suffer
She's a motherfucker
Resurrect me
I say hell is love
You say I must suffer
She's a motherfucker
Resurrect me
:: Cameron 5/21/2003 02:38:45 PM [+] ::
...

Rob Zombie, yo.

Rage in the cage
and piss upon the stage
there's only one sure way
to bring the giant down
defunct the strings
of cemetary things
with one flat foot
on the devil's wing

Getting ready to move rocks for my mother.

Little adrenaline for the day.


:: Cameron 5/21/2003 01:58:08 PM [+] ::
...

:: 5.20.2003 ::

Give to me a loaded shotgun and an alibi.
Give to me a Clue-by-Four and room to swing.
Give to me a Broadsword and leather harness.

The hell are people thinking? HR people, at the moment. They're wanting Fscking MCSE certification for Help Desk? What?

Level II help desk, at that.

Oy vey.


:: Cameron 5/20/2003 02:25:52 PM [+] ::
...

Value added, yo.


:: Cameron 5/20/2003 01:59:27 PM [+] ::
...

Put up a message board/guestbook type thing. Figured if there were any conversations like is going on a few days down, they could be moved there. =)

Never let it be said I ignored my readers. ;-)

Oh, if any criticisms/praise of my stories seems appropriate, feel free. Email, commenting here or on the book/board thing. I've never squirreled away from criticism. Ever. At all.

Much.

/end

:: Cameron 5/20/2003 01:55:10 PM [+] ::
...

Got The Grades today. Saw 'em online, anyway. About what I expected.

CIS/Network Administration Seminar | A
Visual Basic | C (DON"T get me started.)
Network Administration Internship | A (Thanks, Dave!)
Advanced Server Operating Systems | B
Math for Computer Applications (Math for Monkeys) | A
Advanced Routing | B (Bill was gentle on the practical final, apparently!)
C Programming | A
A^4
B^2
C^1

I can deal with that. For as basically pissed-off as I was during the semester entire, I think it's a pretty good job.

Speaking of job....I need one.

Any femme out there interviewing for "Sex Slave?" =)

Submitting resumes left and right. Chicago, Indianapolis, St. Louis, Champaign/Urbana, Bloomington/Normal, Peoria, Rockford...oy vey.

I know I'll find something. I just wish it'd be soon.


:: Cameron 5/20/2003 01:27:37 PM [+] ::
...

:: 5.19.2003 ::

Another reader made herself known to me today! w00t! Hi, Jelliot! =)

Now for today's rantish thing.

It goes without saying that friends, true friends, are nice to have around. Shannon and I were discussing this last night while chillin' in the 'tub, and it got me thinking about it. Again. I usually do think of things four or five times before I put pen to paper -- or fingers to keyboard-- and make a statement. Of course, after the statement is made, I usually ramble off into some inane babble-infested stream-of-consciousness thing, but it can't be helped. So neener.

Anyway.

The real *good* friends that I have I can probably count on the fingers of one of my hands. Friends that I would trust with the deepest darkest places of my psyche, that I would let help me through bad times, or that I would want to share good/great news with first. I've found that those are rare, but when found they are more treasured than diamonds.

I've got a few, but it's hard to get in that category with me. Scary's there, because she and I have been through a lot. I think that it's the only /truly/ platonic friendship I've ever had. That's pretty clinically interesting, when I view it from "detached mode" and try to analyze it. (I do that a lot, and although my conclusions are flawed by design it helps me understand what situations I get myself in. Interesting shiznit.)

Lucas & Steph (as a married couple, they are allowed one entry for the two of them) are there. They just basically rule. New Year's Eve told me that, and their help through one of the rough times was invaluable, even though I don't think they realize it. Many much love to 'em.

Darren Rutan's up there as well. I can't really count his wife in here, although she's always been more than willing to listen and offer advice. I don't go into the "It's God's will" excuse/explanation for things. Not a big fan of determinism, me. I don't get the opportunity to talk to Darren much anymore, but just the knowledge that he'd be there to listen is enough.

Lara Althaus is there. Way up there. She's always taken time for me, and she's the one that saw through the "Me Metal guy, me badass" image that I cultivated when I was in the Radio/TV program. She saw the real me, she liked him, and she helped me to like him too. Many much love to Lara.

Those are my main ones. Those are by no means my only friends, but those are the best ones. My friends are like my "pack." Any of the aforementioned I would take a bullet for, or do anything possible I could to help them.

Just giving those that I think need props for putting up with /my/ bullshit for so long their proper due. I know for a fact it wasn't easy. =)

:: Cameron 5/19/2003 05:55:49 PM [+] ::
...

http://www.brunching.com/journalgenerator.html

Must check that out.


:: Cameron 5/19/2003 03:10:12 PM [+] ::
...

Just got a call from an Apex Systems.

Good: They seem to think I'd be a good fit (they're a headhunter clan, so what they think and what the employer terminus thinks could be two different things)
Bad: Chicago. Milwaukee? Milwaukee. Chicago. Why can't there be a job I can get in /this/ area? Fsck.

If I end up in Chicago it's going to be an annoyed Cameron. I don't want to make 40K a year (number pulled out of my nether regions) if I'm living in a huge Cost-of-Living environment! It's the same thing as San Diego! I'd rather make less but live in an area where I can enjoy it.

Blarg.


:: Cameron 5/19/2003 01:34:31 PM [+] ::
...

Bored.

Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored.

No money to go anywhere. Damn, but I need a job. A week is what I'm giving my NetAdmin job hunt. Then it's "I need work to pay the bills" time, and I'll probably end up workin' at a gas station somewhere.

Blarg.


:: Cameron 5/19/2003 12:04:20 PM [+] ::
...

Pointer for Shannon (and other interested parties):

Near the top of the page, where it says ":: welcome to Hey....He Puts Weasels Down His Trousers! :: Universal Baseball League | Scribblings | contact ::"?

The Scribblings are my short stories. Read if you like. I think you'll dig some.
:: Cameron 5/19/2003 02:00:47 AM [+] ::
...

:: 5.18.2003 ::

My cousin came back from Afghanistan last week, and today his brother (my other cousin, for those keeping score) is having a homecoming party for him.

I hope there's no b33r there. I still think I've got enough caffeine coursing through my system to give a rhino a heart attack. Don't need to add anything else to it.

Anyway, it should be a good time had by all.

Might have stories to tell when I get back. Jerry (my _other_ cousin-- my age) and I usually either do something stupid or cause something stupid to be done to other people.


:: Cameron 5/18/2003 12:04:11 PM [+] ::
...

I've gained a couple "readers" in the last week or so. Might want to explain the title of this yere page.
Taken from Terry Pratchett's "Discworld," this is what the juggler is supposed to do at Magrat and Verence's wedding in _Lords and Ladies_.

Caffeine. Wonderdrug, or cause for inane blog entries? Inanity in my case, for certain.

Had a great time at Steak & Shake tonight. The Reverend is going through a bit of a painful time, and it did him good to be with a couple friends who could help him take his mind off of recent troubles. To me, it was a flashback to my radio days when after my 5-to-midnight show a bunch of us would meet at Hardee's and drink coffee 'til the wee hours. Just sittin' and drinkin' and talkin' and laughing.

'course, I'm a bit older now, and when you can feel your hair growing, you know you've had too much caffeine.

Many much love goes out to the Rev, who'll probably never read this. Helluva guy, doesn't deserve the curveballs that life has thrown him recently.

One of my oldest friends, and truly we're cut from the same cloth. We can look at each other and share a thought, even when we haven't seen each other in years. Literally years.

Add in Scary and a good time was had by all.
Wish someone else were there, though.


:: Cameron 5/18/2003 04:17:20 AM [+] ::
...

:: 5.17.2003 ::

Busy day, for doing absolutely fscking nothing.

Heading to Steak&Shake to drink coffee until the wee hours with a certain Reverend of mine acquaintance.

Not an ordained minister, of course-- but Mr. Tomer can preach with the best of 'em. =)

Should you be in the area, feel free to drop by.

:: Cameron 5/17/2003 06:17:09 PM [+] ::
...

Something interesting that I've been thinking of for quite a while now, just because A) I'm single, and B) these are the kinds of things I think about at 3 a.m. when the power goes out.

How did people meet, say, 30 years ago?

Was it "friend of a friend" situations? Meeting in the supermarket? (What would you say for that one? "Nice melons?" "Gee, I like your sausage?") Laundromat? ("Excuse me, miss-- you forgot your garters and teddy in the dryer...") One thing I finally realized last night was that the movies aren't a good place to get to know someone. I'm sure anyone reading this will go "duh, dishpit" but I'm a movie buff. I love 'em. Always thought that the dimmed lights, the feeling that you and your SO are the only ones there-- I always thought that was romantical. Figured out that it's not a very short time ago. Like, measure in hours.

You can't talk at a theatre. Well, you can, but it's not polite and would probably serve to annoy people.

The whole dinner/movie thing, for me, was the "standard" date. I may have to rethink that. Picnic/Stroll along the lakefront? Walk in the park? Head out to the state park and watch the wildlife? Unsure. All I know is that I need to re-think a bit. =) That's never a bad thing. I was getting a bit complacent anyway.

The Bad Thing on all of this is that I have no money to do any of the above. Friends of mine wonder why I ask them to visit me instead of me trekking to their digs. No Monies. I get a job, and I'll be zipping all over the Half-Acre and seeing people. No income = hard to buy gas for the RX-7. =)

Of course, my parents are cool (yeah, I'm stayin' with them until I find gainful employment) and we've got a pool and a hot tub (now called a "spa" for some unknown reason) and a pond and plenty of walking space, so it's a nifty li'l compound out here in the Illinois wilderness.

Anyway, back to the books.

Currently reading:
_Watchmen_ Graphic Novel by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons
_Coraline_ by Neil Gaiman



:: Cameron 5/17/2003 04:44:36 PM [+] ::
...

Passed the BrainBench Computer Technical Support certification today. Took it on a lark (free test through Monster.com). Don't know how useful it'll be, but at least it's A hardware certification to kind of balance out my Net+ cert.

Is it wrong to be giddy when you meet someone? Seriously. I have no idea. Thought I was past that.

:: Cameron 5/17/2003 03:26:28 PM [+] ::
...

Matrix: Reloaded is a good flick. I've read and heard that it was a mind-tease, and that some people got mad because they didn't understand the movie, but it worked ok from my standpoint.

The Marovingian was a decent character. The pseudo-history of "Marovingian" is basically that Jesus Christ and Mary Magdelena had a child and that child took the name Marovingian. If that helps anyone understand better, great. =)

I had a couple nitpicks with the movie, though.

What's the deal with cgi? Spend the extra money to make it photorealistic (see: Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within) or spend the money on human actors. Don't try and foist off obvious cgi when the suspension of disbelief is needed such as it is. Please.

Agent Smith was cool. All of them. It got redundant in a few spots, but it was still nice to see Hugo Weaving as a self-replicating virus program. Apparently he's going to be a huge character in Matrix: Revolutions, which is very nice as well. Don't know if I like him jumping the barrier, though.

The twins were nifty. "Wraiths." We've seen werewolves and wraiths. Unless they're going to say that Smith is the vampire, we still need to see them as well.

The battle scenes were enjoyable, if a bit overdone. As in, too damn long. About 5 minutes too long for all of them.

And don't get me started on Mein Fuhrer Morpheus. Oy vey.

Anyway, out of 10 stars, I'd give Reloaded a 6.5. Better than average movie, enjoyable, but not without flaws.


:: Cameron 5/17/2003 11:54:30 AM [+] ::
...

Matrix Reloaded is a good flick. Bit too tetchy on the cgi, though. Most movies are nowadays.

'sides, I think I was paying a bit more attention to the company than the movie.

Wonderful evening, all around. Going to sleep on it and write my "review" in the morn.

Sleep well and sweet dreams. That's on my agenda.

:: Cameron 5/17/2003 03:24:19 AM [+] ::
...

:: 5.15.2003 ::

Advanced Server -- B on the Final, hopefully a B in the class.
C Programming -- A in the class
Visual Basic -- oh, do I want to curse the teacher. 4 points (out of 662 total) away from a B. So, a C.
Seminar -- A
Internship -- A, I think. At least B
Advanced Routing -- B, I hope. Last part of the final kicked my ass to Topeka. Still waiting for it to get back. Could be a C.
Math for Monkeys -- A

Not bad, I don't think.

:: Cameron 5/15/2003 11:21:18 PM [+] ::
...

C Programming -- Aced! 97 average in the class.

'course, today is lamb to the slaughter day.
:: Cameron 5/15/2003 08:37:06 AM [+] ::
...

:: 5.14.2003 ::

And now, for a taste of things to come.....

Actually, tonight. The beginning of a brutal battery of tests starts tonight at 6:30.
C Programming. Woo.
Then tomorrow at 10. Advanced Server.
Then two(!) tomorrow at noon. Math for Computing and Visual Basic. Zip in take the VB one, and then go take math. Oy.
Then take the rest of my Advanced Routing final tomorrow after the double-dip.

Sumbitch.

At least there's a crew of people going to Gunner Buc's afterwards. I may be broke, but hanging out will be a Good Thing. 'sides, I'm likeable enough /someone/ will buy me a beer. Or a White Russian/Colorado Bulldog. Or an Old Fashioned. (Well, maybe not an Old Fashioned. GB's can't make those worth a shit.)

Then I'm done. Which I've already stated puts me in a difficult spot. Not going to re-hash that here'n'now.

Friday CIS Club is sponsorin' a trip to see Matrix Reloaded. (Mentioned somewhere below). Just got news that a friend of Scary's is going to be there, which is a definite Good Thing. I'm hopin' there's some mutual interest goin' on. I know I'm interested, anyway. At least to read her stuff. Nifty as all get out.

Anyway, need to return to my studying ways. Or read some more of Tom Clancy. Either or.

Currently Reading:
_A Storm of Swords_ by George RR Martin (again)
_Executive Orders_ by Tom Clancy
_Snow Crash_ by Neal Stephenson
_Neuromancer_ by William Gibson
_American Gods_ by Neil Gaiman

Yes, they're all re-reads. I need Pratchett's new one. First thing on my list when I get employment!

:: Cameron 5/14/2003 12:02:11 PM [+] ::
...

:: 5.13.2003 ::

Edit: 4:54 p.m.
Got bored with studying C Programming. My short stories are now linked at the top of this here page. "Scribblins"
Yee haw.
End Edit

Finals.
Job Hunt.
Friends scattering to the four winds.

Guh.

An Associate's degree may not be much. Busting ass to get it in one year is. The sacrifices that one has to make to do it I freely took on, but didn't realize just how . . . sacrificial they'd be.

Last January (2002) I entered into a relationship with what I thought was the perfect person for me. Witty, great sense of humour. She had a three-year old daughter who I came to love dearly. This past fall, things went to shit. Quick. We split on Christmas, officially. I was willing to work, she wasn't. Yada yada, same ol' sob story. A big part of the breakup was my attention to school. 23 credit hours tend to demand your undivided attention. Of course, the fact that it was taking longer than she wanted it to for me to become Mr. Perfect Man/Father was a big factor as well. After so many years of unabashed bachelorhood, it's a bit distressing to find yourself being groomed to be daddy. Most times there's a buffer zone. Like dating, courting, engagement, etc. Anyway, that was one sacrifice I've made.

I think the major sacrifice (and let it be known here that I'm not campaigning for martyrdom. Just getting some things off my chest) has been that a good chunk of my disposition has gone south. Usually I'm quick with a quip, some comment that either bombs or draws a laugh (and either way, I enjoy it and that's all that matters) or just meandering along, enjoying the view or weather, soaking up the company of my friends.

This last semester, though everything's come crashing down. My relationships with my friends have gone downhill. I don't see the ones I want to see near enough, I miss the friends I made out in San Diego, and it gets frustrating. The people I want to see-- Chee, Ben, Zane and Rhiannon, Cronin, Bret, Splish, Dave, Paolo, Jen-- I'm seperated by 2,000 miles and a lot of other hindrances. I don't want to live in San Diego again. I would if I had to (or if I had an SO that wanted to or had a job out there-- I didn't /hate/ the place) but there's really no reason for the crew to come to Illinois. 'cept to see me, and that's a really piss-poor reason to journey from California (or Boston) to Illinois. =)

Anyway, I feel there's something missing from my interaction with friends. I really do. I don't know if my slight depression (not clinical, just a quick explanation of how I'm feelin') is coming through or not. Tryin' like hell for it not to.

Shannon^1 came over last night, we watched X-Men, shot the shit for a while. I think she knows where I'm comin' from. She turned me on to a few of those quizzes (results should be below somewheres). She's going to see Matrix Reloaded with us Friday night. Wish I had another ticket, I'd invite OEnone along. She's intriguing.

Anyway, the crew should consist of Shannon^1, Shannon^2, Jennifer, Nathan and myself. I couldn't come up with a more fscked-up conglomerate cross-section of friends if I tried. I really couldn't. Shannon^1-- Scary-- is an individual, a freethinker, and really not comfortable in groups. Shannon^2-- Shannon P. -- is more gregarious -- although she really doesn't know what to make of my humour. It bothers her sometimes. She's really uncomfy around me when I get on a roll. Jennifer is a bit more freewheeling than either of the aforementioned, and has a great idea of when to laugh and crack jokes. Great great great sense of humour. And Nathan is a cardboard cutout, really. One of my best friends, but he needs to really hammer his personality into shape. Sometimes I mourn for him.

$DEITY I've tracked the mud in a bit much in this one. Sorry for the ramblings, kiddies.
Try to be more coherent next time.

Within the Week: My short stories, linked on the left. Ooooo. Ahhhhh.





:: Cameron 5/13/2003 03:38:12 PM [+] ::
...

:: 5.12.2003 ::

Check out OEnone's blog (link to the left).

She's got a lot of interesting things to say.

Seriously and for true.

:: Cameron 5/12/2003 11:58:58 PM [+] ::
...

After a metric ton of time spent away from this thing, I think it's about time to start up again.
Things going on: Job hunt (Importante!). Looking for the female that will complete my being. (Or at least put up with my shit. ;-)) Keeping touch with friends after I get said job. (Or said femme, actually. I've run into some pissiness there in the past).

Kinda down on the job front. I want to stay in the midwest. (of course, I want to lose weight and quit smoking too-- those haven't happened) Going to be tough to stay away from Chicago. I'd much rather stay in the smaller "cities" like Champaign, Springfield, Terre Haute IN, Effingham, Bloomington/Normal, etc. I've got deep roots in the vast farmlands of my own midwest, and after giving San Diego a shot, I really don't want to venture forth into the concrete jungle again.

Reading: Quantum Web by Tom Grace.
Starship Troopers by Robert Heinlein
Prey by Michael Crichton
The Kingmaker by Brian Haig
MCSE Certification by various.

I'm such a geek. =)

:: Cameron 5/12/2003 11:44:29 PM [+] ::
...

You are a phoenix.

What legend are you?. Take the Legendary Being Quiz by Paradox



Your soul came from the Bowls of HELL! You're a
demon preying on the mortals of Earth. BACK TO
HELL WITH YOU!


Where Did Your Soul Originate?
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:: Cameron 5/12/2003 11:01:30 PM [+] ::
...

You are a Scholar. You could be Wiccan or Pagan,
Reconstructionist or Gnostic, Jew or Muslim.
But whatever your path, it's pretty clear
you're by no means a Fluffy Bunny. Stop taking
silly quizzes and go out there and educate
people, would ya??


How fluffy a Pagan are you?
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:: Cameron 5/12/2003 10:37:29 PM [+] ::
...

What Is Your Animal Personality?
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Gee whiz, tell Mommy to stop babying you so much
and get out of the house once in a while. You
are the typical nerd. Congradulations, the
other kids walk all over you and make fun of
you, but you'll show them someday when you
develop the latest line of anti-depressants
that they will need when they are 35.


What kind of typical high school character from a movie are you?
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You are Arthur, King of the Britons. A bold leader,
you travel in search of brave knights who will
join your court in Camelot, and you seek the
Holy Grail at the behest of God.


Which Monty Python's Quest For the Holy Grail character are you?
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A dreamer is your type. Seen as "not quite
there", you see things that few do. You
make people think, and your friends turn to you
for insight.


A different quiz, what strange type of person are you?
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:: Cameron 5/12/2003 10:32:18 PM [+] ::
...

Yes, I'm still going to make this an ongoing concern.

Put the torches down, wouldja?

:: Cameron 5/12/2003 10:14:49 PM [+] ::
...